ok i haven't really blogged properly in ages, but god bless kevin smith not only does he bless us with mall rats, clerks one and two, dogma and the rest of my beautiful collection but Reaper too. it is still a little hit and miss but as i no longer have my name is earl, or top gear i needed a new obsession and it is here. ooh and sexy actors too ...hmmm perhaps too young but looking isn't grooming right?

hey there, well yes i am drunken blogging. usually my friday nights are filled either with pregnant married friends or partying with young student friends but tonight i am at a loose end
so beer has been consumed and now on to vodka mmmmmmmmmm
i was good today i got some uni stuff, have been putting off anything that seems work like but i can't leave 4 essays to the end ...no chance.
i was trying to be super good and do some exercise but i got all in my swim suit and discovered ....yes it is bloody half term a pool filled with piss ....i think not!!!

ps got some lovely flowers from shy guy for valentines and had a lovely meal.... damn it why can't i feel more strongly for him!

I realise i habven't been on since christmas. I have kind of shut myself away in the deep dark months. I have been on a bit of a downer and really needed to not winge!
Ok my news
i am kind of back with shy guy but things are as odd as ever. I have told him that the feelings aren't going to grow that i do enjoy his company but love won't be in the air. He kind of seems fine with that as long as i am with him. He has said that he will give it until april and see how he is feeling then.

i did really well on my uni essays one first and two 2:1

i swear i am the fattest woman alive ...god damn beer!

this term at uni i am struggling, it all kind of seems like bullshit. I just have to do the essays and keep with it. I am so lame at keeping enthusiasm.

not seeing anymore psychologisty people. i think i am beyond help

i have been thinking of everyone on here and missing them, but just needed time to clear my head.

Yes no time yet again, although tomorrow i may need blog time to escape family!
i am trapped in a man disaster again
apparently shy guy hasn't taken the break up as well as i thought!
i still have the usual M thoughts
but i have met someone new, he seems really nice but he is 23 and has a 2 year old. Hmmm i'll meet up with him after christmas and see what happens!
that's my festive gossip
off out again tonight who knows maybe i can add another bloke onto the list lol

MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL

xxxxx

ok i am free from work, haven't been on blog because had lots of essays and a short period of time to do them in!
I did them ... yay me
i went out ...got battered 15 hours drinking oops ... snogged lots of guys
got shitty letter from my ex boss! and my uni reference ...which was fucking shit ....die bitch die!!!!

have done lots of christmas shopping

not feeling very festive but hey i am off out tonight so woo hoo!

shall be around soon to catch up on you all again

be on soon
love ya xxx

yes i got nicely wankered last night!
had a good dance and met a nice guy .... he had a girlfriend
but he was really sweet to me and maybe gave me a glimmer of hope that there may be one or two ok guys!
and he was soooo nice looking lol shallow much

i think i have managed to give myself whiplash from extreme dancing lol.

have gorged myself on pizza tonight and had a nice evening in with beanyem bless her.

hope all is well in blog world xxx

i seriously do feel like i'm losing my mind again!
i can't keep going on like this.

I'm such a failure, i bring this all on myself.

when will it all stop.

i try to get a grip but it is so easy to fall apart.

i just want to feel ok

ok no it isn't the answer but i'm fucking sick of my life. i swear is anything going to go right!
i had my last shift at work today. the kids were fuckers but then really nice when it came to goodbye.
but did i get a card or any acknowledgement from the staff noooo, i have only been there 5 fucking years!

i feel sad lonely and well and truely fucked off!
i didn't even get an exit interview which all staff are entitled to!!!!!!!!

i hate M because i love him and yes still can't have him!!!!!
I feel totally deflated about work
I want to run away from everything

have i done my essays ....have i fuck!

i appreciate i am swearing a lot BUT I DONT FUCKING CARE

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

visited his mum in hospital.
his sister has asked me to go out with her for drinks over christmas.
He was all nice to me,
He was staring at my bum and when we hugged goodbye he pinched it.
Then sent a text apologising for it.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh
Fucking men!

bloody hell another text ... my mate is pregnant.
i went through the marriages now it's the bloody babies!
I am happy for my friends i do want them to be happy

but marriage and babies makes me feel so inadequate alone and pathetic!!!
god i need sex to forget it all

oh and my tablets are majorly screwed up so i have no idea where i am. Stupid time to mess about with them when i have uni work to do!

going to write more christmas cards in order to avoid working!