a little bit of me

I have just seen on the news that they have a man in custody believed to have raped up to 200 old and vulnerable people. His sick depravity stetched even further as he removed light bulbs and fuses and tortured these people in the dark. the oldest woman is believed to be 92. Now i'm not a great believer in the death penalty, i don't think we have to right to decided who lives or who dies, but sometimes i am driven to believe that there are sick fuckers who shouldn't be allowed to draw another breath.

If this was my gran i'd want to personally beat the living daylights out of him.

rant over

I seem to be diluded, I have a tendancy to put others first and I try to see the best in people. I would say i am a good friend. I try to keep in touch I go out of my way to see people. I am there when people need a shoulder to cry on.

HOWEVER

SO many of my friends have disappeared over the years, I know this happens but i had a really lovely group of friends at school and i can say that only two of them i see regularly one every month at least another a few times a year (because there is a distance issue)

I again had a lovely group of friends when i was at uni for the first time

again i had a fab group of mates who i worked with in my old job, but where are they now???

I seem to go through close friends like i do clothes, some old favourites stay but most get grown out of, lost or worn thin.

I know I can't do any more i always try so what can i do? AM i friends with the wrong type of people, people who like flash in the pan mates who hang around for a year and not close friends. Is it me is it something i do to drive them away??

I again have a circle of friends around me now a mixture of people but most of my social side is with people i have met at uni, once that is gone then what I'll have more short term friends from a job i get into i suppose.

This has all been triggered by finding out one of my best friends from school is now married, i found out..... by seeing some pics on facebook. I know it's because school wasn't a great time for her and despite me trying she needed to move on. But i'm pissed off, i feel used.

I feel used generally what's the point spending all this time listening to people, caring about them and putting yourself out when ultimately no one gives a shit. My brother still has a really close circle of friends, people he knew from school and he's only a few years younger than me, so I know it can happen. It must just be me!

As some of you may have seen on facebook, korea for new yr/xmas time is out
My brother has these compulsory camp type things where he has to teach, he starts on the 28th of december. SO my plans to see him are out.

I feel really sad about it, i miss him and really wanted to see him, he is finding it tough out there as it is and now he not only has christmas away from home but has to spend new year in a dormatory.

I'm sure he will be fine but it's a let down for me too, i needed some time away and something to look forward to this year is going to be such hard work and a complete bummer.

I have consolled myself by wasting £400 on a digital SLR camera mwahaha

There is a girl i work with who is 13, she really makes me giggle, she's such an odd bod. She comes out with random things to say, some find her loud and irritating but i really have a soft spot for her, I think she needs that extra bit of attention and support.

She has been annoying me for weeks by calling me Belinda, i seriously didn't know why, it was really random but i humoured her with it, it's just her thing saying strange stuff.

This week I asked her seriously, why call me belinda? (which couldn't really be further from my name)

She told me that she has an auntie called Vicky who she really doesn't like, that she is mean to her, and she likes the name belina so that's why she calls me it.

It may be odd but it has really made my week, i feel so flattered

ok first the singles disco. It was amazingly awful, so bad infact that it was really good fun. It was like a peter kay wedding. I was surrounded by middle aged folk on the cop. I felt very young and after looking around realised that i'd rather be single than attend anything like that again. There was a lady who looked like she had put all of her clothes on to attend, talk about getting dressed in the dark. There was also bloke who was the spitting image of uncle fester, talk about a mixed bunch of weirdos. On the plus side i won the raffle and got a box of sweets (yes a raffle!)

I have spent quite a bit of time with my brother recently too. I seemed to have said a hundred goodbyes and he hasn't even gone yet. His flight is on saturday. It's kind of weird because i know he is going for a year, then probably travelling, by that time i will have qualified and will be embarking on my grown up life. SOmehow saying goodbye to him is like the first step to life properly changing. I just feel really sad. I have enjoyed being around him especially now he is happy and seeing him go is like losing something really special. I really feel like we have reconnected and i know i will miss him.

my friend is roping me into a singles disco tonight. I am guessing it will be the most horrifc disaster known to mankind. Yes there may be war, pestilance, famine etc

but an over 25's singles disco has to beat all of that !!!!

Well I'm back from that london, I'm really tired but what a laugh I have had.

I still enjoy doing the touristy bits, London always fills me with awe, it's so big and enveloping you can't help but feel moved by it.

The zoo was really cool, i haven't been to one since I was about 7 so i felt like a small child squealing with excitement about seeing monkeys and girafes. I have some cool snaps but too much of an effort tonight.

We stayed in a travel lodge in covent garden, on drury lane. The location was fab and the staff were really lovely. I didn't find the muffin man who lives on drury lane but i did meet a lovely muffin lady in jenniebaby It was nice having the opportunity to meet up in the day time at the zoo.

The night did not disappoint one bit, it was brilliant to catch up with everyone, and meet some new folks. Drinks were certainly flowing but so was the conversation, it's strange a few hours with blog people and you feel like you have known them a lifetime. I obviously got wasted and by the end of the night was a bit of a sight for sore eyes chatting to random people, dancing like a fool,getting a stamp for a club put on my forehead, and kissing everyone on the street on the cheek. (apparently i should have been mugged and stabbed 30 times )

So there's things in a nutshell, i'm sure there is more but my brain won't work now it is tired and pickled

Just want to say a big thanks to everyone who went last night, and thanks to nici and her partner for walking soy and me back to the hotel, we would have gotten so lost otherwise!

London this weekend baby YEAH! I haven't been in ages so it should be rather good. Knowing what soy and I are like there is bound to be ample mischief to keep us amused!

I saw my brother yesterday and he is up for me visiting him at christmas, Once he is settled in there i shall start hounding him so I can plan the trip WOOOOOOO I may have to do the whole family bit christmas day but if i know i am off on holiday boxing day it will get me through it! New year in korea is going to be pretty amazing anyway.

My little brother is off travelling again, well "working" teaching english in south korea.
So all those that said don't blow my savings I thank you as i may blow them in december

Christmas is just plain rubbish now, I have to trundle off to my dads who inevitabley makes me feel like shit, then come home to my mum and gran. Gran going on about my grandad not being there. ( I miss him to but it bloody ruins christmas) Phil comes and goes not feeling an obligation to anyone. I end up feeling like I must keep christmas alive ( I am a secret small child) I get excited and bop about but I end up being sucked dry and ultimately by christmas night I either go off to cry or sleeep, or both!

SO I want to go out and see my brother, he hasn't gone yet like, I'm going to ask him tomorrow what he thinks. If he says yes I'll let him get settled out there for a few weeks so he knows where places are then book some tickets.

I have spoken to my mum about it and she's not apposed she just doesn't want me to leave her with gran, so if it happens I can go on boxing day if i'm guilted into staying for christmas. Personally i'd go for the whole bloody holidays! It also means no shitty new year in a dingy hull pub or a crappy house party where everyone is pregnant - the joy!

I just had a flash back to my dream last night.

I dreamt I went to the garage to buy chocolate and i found a big bar of that milka stuff, you know the one with purple wrapping, then i got to the till and it wouldn't take my card, i kept pulling out different bank cards and non of them were right, in the end I had to give her a twenty pound note.

RANDOM!