ok so i was speaking to my ex's mum. I do this often i know it may seem silly but we still get on.
Anyway i got passed onto my ex we had a chat i told him about shy guy and it did seem to bother him :>> but i still want to cry when i speak to him. I suppose it is good eventually one day all my feelings for him will have gone.
I am going around there tomorrow after my psychiatric nurse appointment. She is supposed to be working on my self esteem so maybe i will be on top form to face him if he is there. His mum wants to see me. I know, i know, i should let go of all contact but well i love his mum and she likes our relationship it would seem mean to just let it go. I have gotten a bit upset lately thinking that my ex has been with his girlfriend now since march so no doubt they are doing the i love you bits. Everytime he speaks to me though it's all about how bad she is and how great we were. I know he is playing with my mind so maybe it was me getting him back telling him about shy guy :>>

well here is the shy guy news: we went out last night for a nice mexican meal then we went to pub, we were all huggy which was sweet and i couldn't get a taxi so he walked me home then had to walk all the way back to his house. We had our first proper kiss :>> I do like him i'm seeing him tomorrow night and he might be staying over at mine :>>
now i just need to get a grip and stop getting in a head mess!
note to self clean up room :))